Empowerment

Well finally, something has happened worth mentioning on here. Today I was EMPOWERED and it was such a wonderful feeling.
I have this wacky, wonky screwed up family. We all do but mine sometimes takes the cake.

To make a long story very short I have a couple of cousins let us call them S&A. Now when I was younger I went to an adoptive family due to abuse. Not going to discuss that today. Anywhoo, I got talking to them after awhile of being with my new family. My life was going really well for being a tween. I had an allowance, was allowed to go out with friends, listen to whatever music I wanted.
On the flip side, S&A were in a very strict Christian household. They couldn't go out. They "were constantly being punished", all their good music was broken... things of that nature. We began comparing lives and they, I'm assuming, were jealous of my ...good fortune?

I had my adopted mother come storming into my room a few days after this convo accusing me of being a drug dealer and on about eight types of drugs. I had no idea of 1/2 of the drugs she was talking about. I told her as such and asked where she had heard this. ... Wait for it... my grandparents. They had been told by S&A. Supposedly I CONFESSED to them about my party girl ways and swore them to secrecy. I was maybe, at the oldest, 14. It was incredible to me. So now, at 24, I finally did something I should have done years ago.

I told S off. I told her that her interfering in my family had caused me a lot of grief.  I would not "accept her friend request" because I don't need her toxic attitudes in my life fogging up the new ideals I live by,

It was insane, thrilling and all together empowering. I don't know what kind of fallout I'm going to receive from my blood family but at this point: fuck 'em. I know I said what should have been said years ago and now I feel a lot better for having this weight off my chest.

A Giant Dose of FUKITOL

So today, drinking massive amounts of coffee, at least for me I’ve decided to take a giant pill of FUKITOL; In lieu of Xanax (which I don’t have), whiskey (again not here) or cigarettes (I’m trying  to quit). So here is my rant for the day.

I can understand being young. I still am young. I’m talking 21 year old young. Now again, I’m 24 and I’m not looking back with TONS of experience but from what I’ve learned it feels like the 3 years it has been.

I understand wanting to party and get drunk. I totally get wanting to have fun and not have a care in the world. However, when you get so drunk that you almost break someone’s ribs while you are sleeping  and force that person (who has a job) to sleep on the couch/floor…there might be a tiny problem.

HUGE FREAKING PROBLEM.

Ok. So seriously trying to save money, and buying two $3 beers from the ampm and a bag of chips so you can stay up till 4am then wake the whole house by banging shit around come to bed and unconsciously try and break my ribs? Not gonna fly.

So today in store is a big dose of FUKITOL. Possibly some whiskey. Or a bottle. We’ll see how the rest of this day shapes up.

The Beninning

So let me start by saying I have never kept an up-to-date journal or blog in my life. I start off with the best of intentions and tell myself, every day no matter how mundane I’ll make an entry. WRONG. It just doesn’t happen. But let me start with basics. Mz. Honey Badger (Please feel free to check her out HERE) has completely renewed my faith in people. Not all people but at the smallest cross section, the interweb people.

I want to start writing again. Seriously. I wrote some pretty depressing shit while in high school… but I still consider it worthy for being 16 and in “anguish.”

I will have some serious grammatical errors. I used to want to be an English major, and while I know the difference between there, they’re and their, I don’t need whoever you are raining all over my metaphorical parade.

I am easily distracted by shiny objects. Whether it be glitter, pennies while I’m driving or the reflection off my cell phone.

I am 24 years old. Living in a tiny ass town, just moved from another tiny ass town. Originally I was living in San Diego. I’m Jes. I love life. I hate people. Shitty people anyway. Prove you’re cool and ya maybe we can become friends.

This isn’t an essay. These are my thoughts and feelings as they come to me. So they might be discombobulated and they might be crazy but they are mine. You offend me and I’m sure either I, or some of my friends, however many actually read this, will give you a severe tongue lashing to the likes of which will have you cowering under the nearest shelter you can find crying for your mother.

Big Band and Country are 2 of my favorite music genres to listen to. Once upon a time I wanted to be a professional swing dancer. Now I just want to be proficient.

I live with my SO. Significant Other for any that might question later down the road. I have two kitties. Raider and Persia. In lieu of small animals (aka children) they are what I consider mine.

Whoever you are reading this know this is my word vomit. Years of pent up frustrations and failed dairy entries all vying to get onto one page at a time. It probably seems ridiculous and at later dates somewhat crazy but know that you are sincerely getting a peak into my conscious thinking. The one and only person I can thank for this post… and I’m hoping constant subsequent entries, is How to Skinny a Kat, aka Mz. Honey Badger herself. I started reading her blogs about a month ago and by jebus (another idea I am going to adopt from her) if she hasn’t inspired me to post my ridiculous thoughts online and my loquacious verbose verbal vomit to a random audience that will either ultimately reject or rejoice my aptitude at writing at least I’m getting things out in the open.

My name is Jes. I’m ready to rock and roll.